eve-olution newsletter September 2005
Contents
- Statistic of the month
- Book of the month - a review by Anni Townend, eve-olution's business psychologist
- September Sanity, coaching tip from Jane Campion, eve-olution's strategic coach
- Out-in-the-Open: Women Leaders Speak Out survey 2005
- Creative Female Leader
Statistic of the month
33% of British holidaymakers take their own teabags. Source: The Independent
Book of the month
Talking from 9 – 5: Women and men at work, language, sex and power by Deborah Tannen
Reviewed by Anni Townend, eve-olution's Business Psychologist
Deborah Tannen explores diversity of conversational styles in particular the different conversational rituals between women and men. "Conversational rituals common amongst men often involve using opposition, such as bantering, joking, teasing and playful put downs, and expending effort to avoid one down-down position in the interaction. Conversational rituals amongst women are often ways of maintaining an appearance of equality, taking into account the effect to downplay the speakers' authority so they can get the job done without flexing their muscles in an obvious way."
A lack of understanding in this area can cause misunderstanding. The key, suggests Tannen, is flexibility of conversational styles and an understanding and accommodating of differences. In negotiating it helps to understand the styles of others. There are those who negotiate from the 'outside in' starting out 'vaguely' – more broadly and then become specific, and those who start specific and stay so, expecting others to do the same. Negotiating with someone who shares the same style as you is easy, with someone who has a different style it may put you or the other at a disadvantage. For example if you start out vague and the other person starts out and stays specific you are more likely to be at a disadvantage and be seen as not knowing what you really want. More women start out broadly and get specific whilst men start out and stay specific.
Women tend to downplay certainty so as not to appear aggressive whilst boys and men downplay their doubts and uncertainty. A lack of assertive conversational style does not necessarily mean a lack of confidence and, or low self-esteem. A woman who is being self-deprecating may be trying to restore balance to a conversation and to appear equal to others whilst being in authority.
Women and men have different small talk conversational rituals. The latter often around sport and the former commenting on what the other is wearing and, or how they are looking, Common to both sexes – in the UK – is the weather, traffic congestion & parking charges!
A noticeable difference between women and men is how they respond to and engage in 'troubles talk'. Typically women share a trouble or concern and do not want or expect a solution, sharing is sufficient in and of itself whilst for men a trouble shared is an opportunity for coming up with a solution – otherwise why share the problem if a solution is not required?
There are positive and negative sides to indirect speech. Indirect speech can be positive and helpful in developing rapport; and negative in that the proposition can be missed and not heard by the other.
Networking upwards is key for women to do more of in order to get deserved recognition. Men typically network upwards more than women "influence flows along the line of affiliation and contact".
Women tend to be more invisible than men whose efforts are more visible. In the US Deborah Tannen finds that men value independence and autonomy more than women who value involvement and inclusivity. Women do not exhibit leader behaviours unless granted the position of leadership; women are in a double bind if they step out of being indirect into being more direct they are perceived as being 'like a man' and yet if they are indirect they are accused of lacking in confidence and, or lacking in leadership characteristics. Leadership characteristics typically mean making more statements than enquiring which is perceived as being a sign of a lack in confidence and of uncertainty.
Deborah Tannen draws on the theory of Walter Ong and the term 'adversativeness' which he uses to describe the 'fight' that is enjoyed more by men than women in conversations. In meetings and unstructured mixed gender situations women typically listen more to men, and men listen more to men than to women.
There is no best style, no right or wrong. What is needed is diversity and flexibility of style through understanding differences, accommodating them and through this making better decisions that take everyone's point of view into consideration.
Article © Anni Townend, 2005. All rights reserved.
September Sanity
by Jane Campion, eve-olution's strategic coach
Albert Einstein's definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". If your return from holiday – or that of your colleagues - has left you less than enthusiastic for any reason Click here for our coaching tip! (MS Word document, 116kb)
Jane Campion is eve-olution's strategic coach. She coaches senior executives and their organisations towards peak performance and lasting change. Email her at jane@eve-olution.net with feedback and ideas for future tips.
Out-in-the-Open
Women Leaders Speak Out survey 2005
Corporations who kid themselves that their greatest asset won't walk should take note of the latest eve-olution research findings to be published on 14 September. Opinions gathered from over 600 women in senior positions will prove a wake-up call to those firms whose commercial success is still restricted by rhetoric. It's no longer enough to claim an equal and diverse employment and development policy. These women have something to say; it's honest, in parts alarming, but at least it's out-in-the-open.
Creative Female Leader
This ground-breaking two day event still forms a key part of much of our progressive leadership work within FTSE100 companies. The CFL has helped countless numbers of entrepreneurial and ambitious women develop clearer visions, strategy and take actions to move towards new goals and horizons. The course is still open for individual delegate participation - Contact us now to see how you to can create a massive shift in your own awareness and effectiveness.
Some of our most recent comments have included:
"The time spent in the company of other like minded professional women was a wonderful opportunity to make time for my own personal development. I put my goals to paper and have been working towards them ever since. I have my goal map on the wall and look at it every day" MB
"A great mix of theory and doing... amazed at the speed of improvement... I am in control of my physiology and can make a difference" LM
"Enjoyed the creative picture drawing to bring dreams to life... great course, will recommend it to friends" JD